By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
