Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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