I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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