It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
