Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
