Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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