where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
