In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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