I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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