Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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