I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
