she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
