why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
