There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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