glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
