i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
