So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
