I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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