I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you didnt know i had herpes?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
