Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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