I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
