i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
