I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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