there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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