I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
