sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
