did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
