My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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