tell your sister to shave her snatch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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