so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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