I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
