oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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