i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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