Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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