There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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