you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
