if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
