I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
