New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This baby is an asshole
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
