OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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