I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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