i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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