i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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