There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
