i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
