your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
