Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
