i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
