my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
