That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
