i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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