We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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