I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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