No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
