i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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