doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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