I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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