i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
