so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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