You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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