Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
