he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
