I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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