I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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