Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
