I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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