Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
