he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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