Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
