there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
