theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
