I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
