first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
