Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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