that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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