I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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