Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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