So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
