Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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